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The first weeks after moving to the States could only be described as an emotional roller coaster. I remember feeling empowered, then frightened. Happy, then depressed. Independent, then homesick. I kept trying to prove to myself I could do it, and then I would get heartbroken when something overwhelmed me.
Then, on a random night of binge-watching “the Office”, I came across the term “impostor syndrome”. “Impostor Syndrome”, according to the Almighty Google, is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a "fraud". I was taken aback. THIS WAS EXACTLY what I felt like. I had started to doubt whether I should have gotten into Berkeley in the first place, and whether I could indeed live alone in the States. Even though all my credentials and previous life showed that I would be able to push through and make it just fine, I was 100% sure I had somehow fooled everyone and did not really deserve to be there.
After having spent a year in Berkeley, and having come out not shaking but swinging, I can guarantee that that feeling was not accurate. That feeling, the “impostor syndrome”, is just your worst self, trying to bring you down. Everyone tells you there is a first time for everything, but no one tells you that first time is unbelievably hard. Moving to a new country, forming an entirely new social circle, adjusting to a new educational system, studying in a language different than your own; each one of those things is hard enough to do by itself. Imagine combining all of those in the same 2 weeks! You become overwhelmed, and at that point self-doubt takes advantage of your stress and tries to grasp the chance to bring you down.
Don’t let it. In fact, do not let anyone, ever, convince you that you are unworthy. You and you alone made it all the way to the States, to the University you had always been dreaming of. You have managed to survive and conquer much more difficult things in your life. Whenever that tiny voice in your head tells you “you can’t do it”, you just shout right back at it “hell yeah I can”.
It’s completely normal to be overwhelmed, or even underperform on those first few weeks. You need time to adjust to your new lifestyle. Give yourself time and don’t judge yourself from your first mistake. Mistakes are how we learn, and as corny as that sounds, it’s true.
My advice is, cut yourself some slack. Allow yourself to mess up. Even if you do, that does not mean anything for your overall character or performance. It’s just the same, usual, old, awesome you trying to figure out how to operate in a completely new environment. And soon, that awesomeness will come right back and shine through again! After all, you can’t run until you learn how to walk. So, until then, just enjoy the time of you not being measured up to perfection for a change. And just remember that challenging yourself is the only way to better yourself! If you stick to what you know, even if you are great at it, it means you will never ever learn something new and expand your horizons. So embrace the unknown and jump right in! You got this, you just don’t know it yet.